36 Week update (a little late)

I meant to post this on Saturday, but Saturday turned into a DMV nightmare.  Since then, I haven’t been able to get to it.

 

So, the DMV.  I FINALLY went to get my California driver’s license.  (I know, I know…procrastination…I really just wasn’t willing to admit I didn’t live in Wyoming anymore.)  I should’ve known something was up when it was going too well.  I got to the intake person quickly.  I only stood in line to get my picture taken for two or three minutes.  I passed my test and only missed two questions.  I got into the front of the line for the final lady right away. 

And then she asked me to verify the information.  (The following is an approximation)

Me:  “This has my maiden name on it.”

She pulls it back and then checks her computer screen.  “Yes, you brought in your birth certificate.”

“Yes, the website says to bring that or your passport.  I don’t have one of those so naturally…”

“Yes, we took your name from the birth certificate.”

“But that’s not my legal name.”

“Do you have your marriage certificate?”

“No, I’ve already proven my married name in Wyoming, which is why that license says “Miller”.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am.  We don’t know the standards of other states.  We have our own standards so you will have to show your marriage license.”

“And how much does that cost to change my name?”

“Twenty-seven dollars.”

“So, I have to come back in, miss work because this is the last Saturday you’re open, and pay you another twenty-seven dollars just because you cannot accept the name on a driver’s license from another state.  I’ve proven it to them.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am.  I have to follow our standards.”

“What if I show you my Social Security card?”
        “No, ma’am.  I can only use your marriage license.”

“I’ve haven’t used that name for twenty-four years.”

“Let me do this for you, I’ll put it in pending and if you can get back before the end of the day with your marriage license, we’ll get it in there with the right name.”

So I run home and Tyson and I search the house for over four hours looking for our marriage license.  No luck.  We found our marriage certificate, but no license.  We did eliminate about 25 boxes that hadn’t been unpacked yet and threw some stuff away, so that was a plus.  I went back to the DMV at about 3 and got my driver’s license in my maiden name.  I left the DMV sobbing.  I haven’t been that girl in forever.  It’s not who I am.  I felt robbed for some reason.

Tyson did order a new marriage license for us but even if I get that in the mail this week, I still need to wait for my hard copy of my DL before I can change the name.  In the meantime, I’m rolling around town with an ID that has my maiden name on it even though EVERYTHING else is in my married name.  Tyson told me he’d marry me again…. J

 

So, because of the fiasco there, I wasn’t able to get to Curves to work out that Saturday.  I did manage to make it four times for the week, though.  This week, if I make it on Saturday, I can get in five workouts. 

I’ve been frustrated because I haven’t been losing weight.  I’ve been working out for almost three weeks.  However, I have noticed that my fluctuations are smaller.  In the past, I’ve fluctuated five to seven pounds over the course of a couple weeks.  Recently, that’s gone down to three or four.  I guess that progress.

Of course, I was curious if I was retaining water like crazy or if my body was just really freaking out because I’ve been sedentary for a couple decades or if I’m just weird.  I found this website that helped considerably.    I also found a second website which verified the other one.  I probably am retaining water and it could last anywhere from two to five weeks.  I’m going to add a 10% buffer in that and try not to freak out until it’s been more than five and half weeks.  And I realized that I’m just weird.

I will be doing another weigh-in/measure appointment with Curves a week from Saturday.  They like to do those once a month.  We’ll see what that says.  Here’s the numbers from the first appointment: 

    Arms 13.5"

    Bust 47.5"

    Waist 46"

    Abdomen 55"

    Hips 58"

    Thighs 30.5"

    Weight 297.5#  (Fully clothed, with shoes, at end of day)

    Height 5'10.5"

    BMI 47.1%

    Short term goal: loose 27.5# in three months (1/8/16)

    Long term goal:  175#  - I had to come up with something.  I suppose this would be most ideal but truly, I'd be happy with 225 and really happy with 200.

34 Week Update October 17, 2015

Alrighty then!!  I am actually on time this month.  HIGH FIVE!!

This month has seen some changes.  The kids going back to school in August allowed the family to get back onto a schedule.  I was in a position where I needed to get a menu planned and a schedule for grocery shopping re-established.  It was good stuff. 

In there, somewhere, I got back into the habit of walking in the dog...almost daily.  I think I wound up walking her an average of four times a week.  Back in the middle of July, I had made it up up 1.5 miles a day with her.  But, since it had been more than a month since we had been regular about walking, I started again with .5 miles.  By the beginning of October, we were up to .75 and now we're averaging about a mile.

However, I started working a full time job at the beginning of October as well.  That threw a HUGH wrench into everything and I'm still trying to get everything figured out.  I remember now why I hate doing my grocery shopping on Saturdays.  My schedule is now crazy, but I'll talk more about that in a minute.

The other biggest change is that last week, October 10, I joined Curves.  I LOVE IT.  I don't like the working out, per se, but it love it there.  The women are so encouraging.  If I happen to miss two days in a row, they call me to find out what's up.  There's this awesome jungle-gym type thing you use to stretch after you work out and I look forward to just doing that.  And, even though I hate to admit it, I can see a change.

The biggest change seems to be my energy level.  I'm awake, most of the day.  I do still grab some caffeine halfway through the day, but I think that's more because I'm bored at my job more than anything  (I sit at a desk all day and answer phones...ALL DAY.....  It's a job, right?).    On Thursday, I woke up and I just couldn't do it.  I had gone every morning this week.  But Thursday, it wasn't happening.  So, I slept in.  Yeah, buddy.  I was tired all day.  You would think working out in the morning would make you tired and sore all day, but it hasn't.

So this is my day:
     4:45 - wake up, pray and get dressed
     5:00 - walk the dog
     5:30 - grab something to eat (usually some grapes, cheese and some breakfast meat - about 200 calories) and throw the kids' lunches together that had been made the night before
     5:35 - with Steph in tow, head down the hill to pick up a couple kids and take them to early morning seminary
     5:55 - drop those kids off
     6:00 - at Curves, working out
     6:40 - get home and make sure the boys are up, take a shower
     7:00 - read scriptures with the boys
     7:20 - send the boys out the door and get my own lunch ready, have something else to eat (one piece of toast and a banana 220 calories)
     7:30 - finish getting ready for work
     8:20 - out the door for work
     9:00 - start work
    11:00 - first break have a snack, this last week was carrots and celery 24 calories
      1:00 - lunch - last week was homemade chipotle three days (450 calories), homemade chef's salad (350 calories) and Friday I had sushi (Which I didn't think I would like but I do.....have no idea how many calories that was). [Okay, I just looked it up.  I had New York Crunch, which is the only one I've dared to try.  There was a serving and a half in the container, 600 calories.  Not too bad, I don't think.]
     3:30 - last break, more grapes and cheese - 155 calories
     5:30 - out the door!  Have an apple on the way home - 120 calories
     6:10 - get home...need to make supper....I won't go into that.
     7:30 - I'm dead by now but there's still things to do....cleaning up, getting kids into showers, making sure homework and chores are done, getting lunches fixed for the next day, making sure each kid has gotten their laundry done for the assigned days, making sure my husband is still alive.....
    8:15 - family prayer
    8:30 - praying with husband, reading scriptures with him
    9:00 - Tyson's snoring and I'm surfing the internet
   10:30 - usually out by now, but if not, I'm forcing myself off the net and closing my eyes.


At Curves last week, they measured me, weighed me and figured my body mass ratios.
I just got up and looked for it and it's not readily available.  Seeing as how the hour is getting late and everybody else is asleep, I'm going to risk putting it in later.

9/19/2015

10/17/2015

I don't see much difference between this month and last.  I could this morning, but not now.  You can see that I finally put up my curtains in the background.  :)

30 Week Update September 19, 2015

And yet again, it's not September.  And like I mentioned in the August post, I owe you some updates.  Once again, I'll try to remember what I can.

August was really busy.  At the beginning of the month, Greg, Becca, Bryan, and Ryleigh all came down for a visit.  We had a lot of fun at the beach, in the pool and hanging out.  All the older kids managed to get really good sunburns.  It was so good to see all of them.
I choose not to follow my calorie-watching while they were here and then pretty much followed suit the remainder of the time.  Yeah.  Not such a good plan.
HOWEVER, I am excited to report I managed to break that elusive 295 barrier I had bumped up against all summer.  On September 19, when the pictures below were taken, I weighed 290!  My fluctuations stayed between 295 and 290.  The kids being back in school forced me to get back onto a schedule.  This has helped me walk the dog on most days, usually around 8 a.m. after the kids have all gone to school.
I am finally into the Laramie weight.  I weighed 295 when I left.  I'll be in this weight range until about 275.  I am happy, though, that the Bakersfield weight is gone.  :D
The pictures don't seem too different to me from August, however.  I'm thinking I need to start doing sit ups or yoga or something to start tightening things up.

PS Now that I've really looked at the August pictures, I can see a difference and I think it's because I really wasn't walking for a month and I gained a 'bloat' again.  (And I don't understand why I can get one group of pics together in a row but not the other set.  Sorry.)

2/14/2015

9/19/2015

8/04/2015

9/19/2015

2/14/2015

8/04/2015

24 Week update, August 1, 2015

Okay, so it's not Aug. 1st.  But, I owe you updates, at least.  I prepared everything so I could do one, I just never did.  Let me remember what I can.

So, on August 1st, I weighed 295, down 1/2 pound.  I fluctuated between 295 and 300 the whole month.  I also struggled with drinking soda (pop, for you Wyomingites).  In addition, I had trouble staying on my plan to walk the dog.  Many factors played into that:
    1.  I like to stay up late at night, especially when the kids have gone to bed.  It's quiet. 
         That makes it difficult to get up in the morning.
    2.  It's....uh....really, really hot in Bakersfield.  And it doesn't cool off at night.  Even
         when I don't sleep in, it's still 85 at 7 a.m.  On days when I don't get up early, then
         it was much too hot to walk.
    3.  We had visitors and we went on a mini-vacay to Sea World.  I shot my
         calorie-watching in the foot and didn't pick it back up again.  That also allowed
         me an excuse not to walk.

By the time July was over, I was fed up with myself but willing to cut myself a break and lump the month up to experience.  I decided I would do better in August.

The pictures I did manage to take were done on August 4th.  The green pants died and received an emotionally stirring funeral in my trash can.  My misery didn't last too long, however, and I have moved on to the black ones.  :)

2/14/2015

8/4/2015

2/14/2015

8/4/2015

20 Week Update - July 4, 2015

Happy Independence Day!

I can't believe it's already been five(ish) months since I started this.  I have learned a lot about myself and how my body reacts to different things I intake and do to it.

This week, I've been struggling with my depression.  I talked about that a few days ago in this post.   I've slowly been feeling better.  The only other thought I have about it concerns expectations.  Perhaps feeling happy all the time or the majority of the time is not realistic; not true life experience.

It's been over 100 degrees F (37.8 degrees C) for more than ten days in a row now.  By 8:00 a.m., it's typically already over 80 degrees F (27 degrees C).  Consequently, I have been having mental difficulties with getting out to walk.  I only walked four days this week.  On Monday, I went 1.6 miles, Tuesday 1.0 miles, Friday 1.8 miles and today....4.2 miles.  As far as the 100 miles in 100 days, I'm at 39.4 miles total since Memorial Day.  I should be at 41.  Pretty good, if I do say so myself.  Good thing I got a big day in today.

Anyway, I have been weighing myself everyday.  I know some people have advised to not do this, however I find it keeps me centered on what is going on.  It is interesting to see what happens when exercise doesn't happen or I eat too much the day before.  Here is my chart for this last four weeks.  The blue line is June, orange July.  The purple dots mean I'm above 300 pounds that day, the red mean I'm between 290 and 300.  I weighed in today at 295.5 pounds.  (Please ignore the June dates at the bottom.  I haven't been able to figure out a way to change it to just numbers yet, without making a new chart.)

It was cooler this morning when we went out.  I wanted to get a good walk in.  The family and I also played in the pool this afternoon for about 90 minutes.  It was a nice temperature, about 83 F (28 C), and felt really good.  Tonight, we sat at on the edge of the bluffs in the hot wind, watching the fireworks in the distance.  I think we had a good day today.

I managed to talk my husband into taking pictures for me again this morning.  Here's the comparison with Valentine's Day and July:


(I'm fighting with formatting today.  And I'm giving up.  I'm sorry these aren't side by side.  I'll try again later....)

That's all I have to update for the four weeks.  Have a happy Fourth of July.



Wresting the Beast

The Beast
    My particular beast is depression.  I know for certain I was depressed as a teenager.  These feelings have been around for a long time.  I would dare to say I was depressed as a child, but children's feelings are more difficult to gather into a group.  When I look back and begin to see some of these tendencies, I was about nine.


What is "The Beast"?
    I have described it in my head in two different ways.  The first way is like a cloak and the second is a Jekyll/Hyde animal.
    The cloak is something that I wear all the time.  When it's sunny and bright, it hangs off my shoulders behind me.  When I run and play, it blows in the wind, trailing behind me, barely noticeable.  When I become cold or it becomes dreary, the cloak is easily attainable to pull around my shoulders, to protect me and keep me warm.  But it is deceptive.  Once I give it permission to wrap around me, it becomes oppressive and suffocating.  I curl into to it to escape the oppressiveness, starting a cycle of withdrawal and more oppression.  At some point, I realize where I have fallen to and strive to pull myself back out, to have the cloak behind me once again.
    The Jekyll/Hyde animal looks something like a small, cuddly kitten when things are going well.  The kitten is cute and small, easily carried.  (Apparently, I HAVE to carry this thing with me everywhere.)  When things aren't going well, this creature is a huge, snarling beast about the size of a hippopotamus.  I still have to carry it, but now it rides on my back, hunching me over and making everything I do extremely difficult.
    Please understand, these are MY descriptions of MY experience.  In no way am I trying to explain depression for everyone.  It's as varied as each individual.
    The idea of the cloak protecting me is exemplified by the times when some act that I do (stop doing) when I'm depressed sounds good because yesterday was a hard day or I worked extra hard.  For instance, when I decide I just don't want to get out of bed that day.  Now, doing this once in a while, most people would say is alright to do.  When I allow it to become a regular thing is when it becomes a problem.  At first, it sounds nice, like a vacation.  I invite it in.  Then one day become two, then three and then a week.  At this point, I'm having to talk myself into getting out of bed.  (Getting out of bed is just a particular example, there are other activities that fall into this category, such as cooking supper or cleaning the house or writing my blog.)
    I think the Jekyll/Hyde creature is more easily understood.  Although I still don't understand how it becomes a little kitten again.


What I Need to do to Wrest the Beast
    I have recently been inspired with a list of things I need to do everyday to wrest this beast in my life.  These are things I've come up with before and then when I get into a cycle, I forget them and have to relearn them.  So take this as a relearning episode.  For more on this idea, see this post and this post.  This has a lot to do with doing my work everyday, regardless.  Here's the list:
    1.  Pray everyday - This is something I've been struggling with since leaving Laramie.  I pray with
         the kids before school, with the family in the evening and with my husband before bed. 
         Somehow, I don't seem to take the time to do it myself.
    2.  Make the bed - When the bed is made, I'm less likely to go back to bed.  I may take a nap
         during the day, but it's not full-out going back to bed.  Although it's a small accomplishment, it
         is one and then to accomplishment at the beginning of the day gets it started in the right
         direction.  I've been making the bed every morning since being in California.  On the occasional
         day I don't it feels strange in my room.
    3.  Brush my teeth - This one seems odd.  I have never set up a habit of brushing my teeth.  I do
         better when Tyson's around or when I have a schedule which takes me out of the house, but
         even then I struggle.  Amazingly, my teeth aren't in bad shape at all.  However, I realize this
         won't always be true.  Since I'm trying to make all of these things a daily habit, I need to throw
         this in the mix too.
    4.  Read Scriptures - This one I manage to do with my husband almost every evening.  However,
         like prayer, I find it difficult to make time to do this.
    5.  Take my vitamins - Vitamin B Complex for mood support, Magnesium for bones and anit-
         kidney stone formation, Vitamin D to help everything catabolize (Even though I get lots of sun
         I still take 5000 IU - helps considerably when I remember)
    6.  Walk the dog - I dread this everyday but it is helping with the weight loss.
    7.  Write - This is amazing.  It helps my mood so much.  This includes blogging, journaling, and/or
         creative writing.
    8.  Do something creative - this includes crocheting, knitting, creative writing (as opposed to
         blogging or journaling), painting/decorating the house (hasn't started yet), quilting, etc.


    It's a big list.  I've been doing it since Monday.  So far, I've been able to get most of it checked off everyday.  It's helping in as far as I'm getting out of bed everyday and I'm up and somewhat functioning.  However, I still feel like I could hide in my room all day.

This Week Was a Bad Week

This week was hard.  I had difficulty getting out of bed on Tuesday and Wednesday.  Thursday I broke down and bought a Diet Dr. Pepper.  Friday I had another one.  Yesterday I had 1/2 and the other half today.  I felt better, more alert, more desire to get up.


This is going to be hard to kick.


Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I didn't walk.  Yesterday, I did 2 miles and today we did .6 miles.  Today we didn't walk until after church and it was really hot.  The dog didn't want to do more than two laps around the block.


I started keeping track of my calories again on Friday.  The last three days, I've hovered around 2200 calories a day.  I suppose keeping track is a good thing, it's just scary to see.  :/


Well, have a good Monday tomorrow.

Today Was One of Those Days

Today was one of those days I struggled to get out of bed.  I finally did about 10:30.  At about 3:00, I got dressed.  I don't know why I bothered getting dressed, there was nothing to get dressed for.   I managed to get my daughter to her church activity, late, and I managed to pick her up, late.  I made a phone call around 11:30.  That's it.


Now, I'm laying in bed at 1:48 a.m. on the internet.  I'm exhausted and I know if I roll over and close my eyes, I'd be asleep really quick.  But I'm fighting it.  I feel really stubborn today.  If I don't want to do it, then it won't happen.  I don't understand this.


I almost went an bought a pop today when I went to get my daughter.  I know it will make me feel better.  I'm thinking seriously about doing it in the morning.


I have an appointment to help a friend tomorrow.  It will force me to get into some clothes and out of the house.  I really don't understand these mood swings.  I just want to feel "normal".  IDK.

Isildur's Bane? Nope, Annessa's Bane

Dr. Pepper, how I love thee.  How may I count the ways?  The sultry color when it's in a glass of ice; the fizziness as it goes down your throat; the 23 different flavors that combine to make a great tasting pop.  There's too many to count.
 


Uh, yeah.  I LOVE Dr. Pepper, but if there's none to be found, most any pop (soda) will do.  I've consumed Dr. Pepper regularly since I started college.  My habit soon became the only "liquid" I would drink.  I have been to the point where I have had six 20 oz bottles a day, but my "average" is usually sustained at three.

At one point, about eight years ago, I decided the reason I was so heavy was because of the pop so I switched to Diet Dr. Pepper.  That really didn't change much.

Then there was the big reveal about how bad artificial sweeteners are for your body, so I switched back to full-on sugar.  Well, that didn't help anything either.

I've tried to quit drinking it about four times now.  I'll do really good for a few weeks and then a stressful event will occur or I'll cave into my craving and BAM!, I'm back off the wagon.

There's three things about pop that I think are issues:
    1.)  The caffeine is addictive.  This doesn't really need to be explained, does it?  I've tried
           switching to non-caffeinate pop like Sprite or 7-Up, but after only a couple days, I
           can feel the difference.  I'm dragging and always tired.
    2.)  The high-fructose corn syrup is addictive.  This is something I've just figured out. 
           Pour some sugar into me, and a few hours later I have a headache and I'm craving
           more.
    3.)  The artificial sweetener is more addictive than the HFCS.  See #2.
    4.)  MY OPINION - The carbonation is addictive.  I've tried to switch to non-carbonated,
          caffeinated drinks and they just don't have the punch, even the ones that have HFCS.

The thing is, I can't have it in the house.  I can't be around it at dinner.  I can't be around it when I'm at somebody's house.  IF it's an option for me, I WILL CHOOSE IT EVERYTIME.  Denying it is a serious battle.  I can go a little bit and talk myself out of it but as soon as I allow myself one, then it's over.  I'll let myself have it over and over.  And I can't seem to control myself to only have one.  If they're there, I'll drink them.

And I'm fairly certain if I keep it up, it will kill me.

*SPOILER* This will sound gross.
I can smell it when I go to the bathroom.  There's a difference in my urine.  Pop puts too much sugar in my system and it dumps into my urine and it smells different.  (I am aware what that implies).  When I don't imbibe, the smell goes away.

I get kidney stones when I only consume pop.  I have only ever had one stone that has put me in the hospital.  And boy, did it ever cause problems.  I was pregnant with Stephanie and I had to have a stint (a straw in my ureter) put in.  The doctor told me my ureters were scarred so it wasn't the first stone I'd ever had.  It wasn't because of the pop per se that I got that stone.  The doctor put me on Macrobid long term to manage a reoccurring bladder infection.  What we didn't know at the time was I was allergic to the medication.  We assumed I was throwing up because of the pregnancy.  It made me severely dehydrated, which in turned caused the stone.  It was a few years later when I took the drug again when the allergy was discovered.  That doesn't excuse the pop.  When I drink exorbitant amounts, I become dehydrated and then start the cycle.

*SPOILER* Another gross subject.
It changes the pH of my gut, causing major issues.  This sounds odd, but with my strong chemistry background, it makes perfect sense.  There is Celiac disease in my family and it has been thought before that I have symptoms of it.  But they're light.  They don't happen every time I have gluten.  Blood tests I've had show negative for Celiac.  I assumed I may just have "Celiac-lite", a type that didn't show on blood tests.  Nope.  It's the SUGAR.  I noticed this a couple weekends ago when I went to a wedding reception.  I had a piece of cake with a TON of icing (what is the deal with that anyway?).  I hadn't had anything desert-like (or pop for that matter) for about three weeks.  Later that evening, I was in the bathroom with loose stools, just like the symptoms of Celiac I am assumed to have.  I attribute this to pH.  When I have things that aren't acidic, my stools go the other way.  Also, when I drink a lot of pop or have a lot of sugar, I have pain in my lower bowel.  My doctor diagnosed it as diverticulitis.  But, like the Celiac symptoms, it goes away when I don't have a lot of acidic foods.

:/

Yeah, yeah.  I see it all.  It's clearly in front of me.  But, try to tell me this when the next craving hits.....

PS.  Since Tyson's work hours have been dropped again (about a month now), we haven't been able to afford my addiction.  I have quit cold-turkey.  Thus, all of these amazing epiphanies.  However, I have quit before, only to run to the quickie-mart to grab a fresh bottle.  This is truly my bane.

June 11, 2015

Well,  I didn't post again yesterday but here I am today.


Yesterday the dog and I walked 2.4 miles.  It felt good but was painful at the same time.  Worked up quite a sweat in the 75 degree, 8 a.m. sun.  :/  I swam yesterday too, but just more to cool off.  The water almost felt like it was massaging to my muscles.  If I wasn't concerned about burning, I would have stayed out there all day.  Tyson and I went to an awards dinner for his company last night.  I ate waaaayyyyy too much.


Today, I didn't feel like walking.  I slept until almost 11:00, which, over the last couple months, is late for me.  The kids and I did play in the pool for about two and a half hours.  The water was the perfect temperature.  We convinced the dog to swim for about twenty minutes.  It was a good afternoon.


Will walk again in the morning.  I try not to let more than one day go by without walking.  If I do, then I convince myself to skip more days and then before I realize it, I'm out of the habit.


Good night.

June 9, 2015

I missed yesterday.  I thought about it as I went to bed at 10:30 and then I decided I didn't want to get out the laptop, etc.


Yesterday was a busy day for me physically.  I took the dog for a walk, 1.5 miles.  (I forgot to mention I joined a FB challenge to walk 100 miles in 100 days, starting on Memorial Day.  I'm up to 14.5 miles.  I should be to 16 miles.  I started late and I'm not walking everyday so I'm behind.  But, there's enough time to catch up.) 


Anyway, yesterday was really hot.  It got to 105 F (40.5 C), I think.  The fuse to the air conditioner kept partially tripping all weekend so Tyson didn't want us to use it until he could put in a new fuse.  Yeah, it was hot in the house.  To cool off, the boys and I swam from 1 to 2:30.  I made us get out so we didn't get sunburned.  We got back in at 5:30 and swam until after 7.


I overdid it.  I woke up this morning really sore and exhausted.  I managed to drag myself out of bed anyway (small but proud moment) and walked anyway.  We only went a mile but it helped the sore muscles.  I crashed the rest of the day though.


Don't remember what I ate today or yesterday but I haven't been eating much compared to normal.  It's too hot to cook much.


Have a good night.

June 7, 2015

Sunday, a day of rest.  I didn't walk today.  But, Tyson and the kids and I played in the pool.  It was fun.


It was also Fast Sunday so the day began with fasting.  I didn't eat until three, when I had a snack of two cheese sticks and a banana.  For supper, we had chicken chili in tortillas.  I'm not in the mood right now to add up calories.  Sorry.


Have a good evening.

Today I Woke Up Pissed Off - A Sixteen Week Update

  Today I woke up pissed off.  I was mad at myself for having gained so much weight.  I was mad at myself for looking like a balloon.  I was mad at myself for having such a nonchalant attitude about my weight when I was younger.  I was mad at myself for dropping the ball two months ago and not picking it back up.  I was mad because I had to get up and do something about it.  I was mad that I couldn't keep doing what I've always done, be lazy and not care.
   But I got up anyway.  After I prayed and unloaded all of that to the Lord, I reaffirmed my determination and decided to pick the ball back up again.


   So here I am, back in your hair, to discuss the roller coaster of weight gain and loss; life, basically.


   So in April, after we had moved, I dropped this ball to focus on NaNoWriMo.  I managed to write a 60,000 word first draft within those thirty days.  I continued to work on it in May for a couple weeks and then I dropped that ball, preferring to play on the Sims and feel sorry for myself.  When I was writing in April, I decided it wasn't worth the bother of writing this blog and the draft at the same time.  I just didn't want to deal with it.  It was an excuse, really.  If I don't do this blog, then I don't have to hold the mirror in front of myself every day.
   But the mirror is always there, whether I want to acknowledge it or not.  And my feelings about being overweight haven't changed either, just my desire to deal with it.
   I joined a sexual assault survivor's group back when I was twenty-three (1995).  During the second meeting, we watched a video of another survivor who did inspirational speeches about overcoming adversity.  This was her advice:
   "Do your work everyday."
   No matter how hard or difficult it is or will be, and it will be, do it everyday, without fail.  She was referencing the work of healing.  I suppose losing weight is a form of adversity; something I need to heal inside myself.  And it is work.
   It must be done everyday.
   And there will be days in the future when I will forget or want to forget and yearn for something "easier".  I was a member of that survivor's group for nine months before my family and I moved to Texas.  We worked very hard on many issues of being a survivor.  I remember many days of wishing I didn't have to do the work, of wishing it was easier or would simply go away.
   Some days were difficult; some were more difficult; a lot were extremely difficult.  However, at some point, I'm not sure when, the difficult days became fewer and farther between.  Somewhere along the way, my adversity became part of me instead of controlling me.
   So I need to do the work.  In some ways, I see that this weight is part of that same work I began in '95.  It's not the whole cloth, but there are many common threads.


   May wasn't all about avoiding the work.  About six weeks ago, I decided (again) I needed to start walking the dog.  It was something I was dreading, probably simply because I didn't want to do it. I started small.  I realized that I was (am) really out of shape.  Add that to my propensity of giving something up if I take too big a bite and don't like it, it was necessary to do that.
   I started with one lap around the block, about .3 miles.  I would take the dog with me when I took the kids to school.  When we got home, I'd take her out of the car and immediately go around the block.  I knew if I walked into the house, I wouldn't take her back out.  I'd find some reason not to.
   We walked every day that week except one.  My joints burned every time.  With the blessings of ibuprofen and naps, I kept doing it.
   The next week, I went around my block and then I did another lap around the next block.  One day, I drove the laps to see how far I was going.  They totaled .7 miles.
   Two weeks later, I added a third lap around another block bringing my total to 1.2 miles.  We did that once.  The next day, I drove her over to a park along the bluffs.  There's a really nice, paved walking path there.  It's divided into three sections, each one divided by distance and marked.
   We are now up to 1.8 miles five days a week, flirting with 2.4 (once this week).
   Two weeks ago, when the pool temperature finally got to a good place, I started swimming.  It's not Olympic swimming by any means, it's more just gently going back and forth.  And it's not everyday, but it's activity.

Feb 14, 2015 309 lbs

June 6, 2015 300 lbs

   I'm not sure what my diet is doing, just that it's not what it was back in February and March.  I started drinking Diet Dr. Pepper in earnest in April.  I justified it because I was under "stress" from writing.  Blah, blah, blah.  I'll talk about that more in another post.

Notice the dog patiently waiting for her leash....

So, for the update, I'm at 300 pounds today.  That's nine pounds down from the beginning.






























I'll be checking back in tomorrow...if for anything to report my food....

  

April 2, 2015

Today was another busy day.  Steph and I got the cleaning done at the old house.  We started at 8:30 and worked until 4:00.  The carpet cleaner showed up at 10:00 and was there until 1:00.  We went to Subway for lunch and I had a Chicken Bacon and Ranch melt with double cheese and avocado.  That along with a 32 oz full on HFCS Dr. Pepper trashed any potential for eating well today.  Let's not mention the three strawberry shortcakes snacks I had.  I didn't tell you about the Chinese food I had last night and then ate the left overs tonight.  :/




When we got home, I let the boys go swimming in the pool.  They were excited, even though the temperature of the water was only about 73F (23C).  They jumped in at 5:00.  Tyson and I hope they haven't upset the neighbors by how much noise they were making.  Ryan finally got out about 6:30.  Conner climbed out about 7:00.  Devon finally crawled out as the sun went down about 7:30.



Tyson and I got some boxes put away.  There's still several to deal with around the house and a whole storage unit full of them across town.


I didn't accomplish any writing.  Tomorrow's another day......


Once again, I'm not counting my calories for the day.  I'm way off track.  I think I'm back to square one.  At least it's a place to start from.


See you tomorrow.


Same Bat time, same Bat channel

Update April 1, 2015

Hello all.


I haven't written in a couple days.  Sorry about that.  My mother-in-law and two nieces were here.  We've been very busy.


Monday we finally signed the closing documents.  In California, however, you don't get your keys right away.  It can be up to 72 hours afterwards.  In our case, we got our keys at 5:15 last night.  We were working until midnight to get everything moved.  Fortunately, lots of people from our church showed up to help us. If they hadn't, we would have been still moving today.


My mother-in-law, nieces and my granddaughter, Ryleigh, all climbed in the van and left for Salt Lake today.  I'm not built for toddlers anymore.  I've been exhausted having her around.  However, I know I'll miss her.  I was bawling today as she left.  :'(


After they left, Stephi and I went over to the old house and started cleaning.  My mother-in-law and a friend from church had already done a lot of the kitchen work.  I am so thankful for their help.  However, we focused on the carpeted areas of the house so the carpet cleaners could get their work done tomorrow.  Tyson was in and out, taking a load over, running errands like going to the post office, etc.  He finally joined us all the time about 4:30.  We cleaned until 8:00.  We met the goal of getting all the bedrooms, bathrooms, laundry room and hallway completed.  We even did the windows.  Ack.


That leaves the refrigerator, oven, counters, dishwasher, mantle and hearth, three more windows and waxing the kitchen, dining room and living room.  I think we can get it done while the carpet cleaners are there.


Another NaNoWriMo started today.  There's a competition on the internet.  To join, you must be willing to write a 50,000 word novel in a month.  The main one is in November.  There are secondary ones in April and July.  I enjoyed this last one in November so much, I wanted to do another one.  These secondary ones allow you to set your own monthly word count.  I stepped mine up to 60,000.  I didn't get anything done today so I'm already behind!!  Tomorrow doesn't look good either.  I guess we'll see how the day shapes up.  It's better to stay on top of it instead of falling behind.


Well, my diet has gone back to old habits.  I've been drinking a lot of pop, eating more sugary things, and just eating more in general.  Eating is how I handle stress.  Now that the moving stress is almost over, perhaps I can get back on track.


Let's see what tomorrow brings.


Same Bat time (maybe), same Bat channel.

Comfort Foods

I was nosing around on the internet and came across this story.  I ate my third chocolate chip cookie while reading it.  Then, I decided I needed to share.  Here it is.


I did horrible on eating today.  I ate a lot.  I need to get it back under "control".  Tomorrow is a new day.  Have a good evening.  See you then.


Same Bat time, same Bat channel.

Update March 28, 2015

Good evening!

Today has been a wonderful day.  My headache went away after I rested last night.  I've been very tense about the house/loan situation.  After learning we could move forward, I relaxed quite a bit.  My head and neck ached last night so I took plenty of ibuprofen and laid on the hot pad for a while.  That seemed to help.  Sleep did too.


My mother-in-law came today with my two nieces.  It's been a nice visit.  She took us out to dinner tonight to Olive Garden for my birthday.


Therefore, I am not counting my calories tonight.  It would be outrageous.


See you tomorrow!

Same Bat time, same Bat channel

Update March 27, 2015

Today was a roller coaster.  But it wound up being a good day.  Lots of packing done and the LOAN WENT THROUGH.  We're done with "It has to go back through underwriting.  It will be at least another five days."  HOOOOOORAY!!  We will sign Monday or Tuesday and move probably later that day.


5:45 - two pieces of turkey and a string cheese stick - 180 cal
7:15 - two chocolate chip cookies a friend made me for my birthday - 312 cal
11:45 - two of my burritos - 726 cal
4:00 - a string cheese stick - 80 cal
7:00 - two pieces of stuffed chicken, bacon pizza (two pizzas one on top of the other) - 730 calories
1 20 oz diet Dr. Pepper and 1 12 oz diet Pepsi
48 ozs of water
total calories for the day - 2028 cal

Update March 26, 2015

Hello.  I trashed it today.


5:45 - two pieces of turkey, a stick of string cheese, and two small pancakes - 265 calories
9:30 - four ding-dongs and a 20 oz diet Dr. Pepper - 660 calories - I had been craving the chocolate and I had a sugar headache.  As I ate the chocolate, I could feel the endorphins washing through me.  It was quite a trip and I found it interesting.  Headache went away too.
1:30 - Medium double quarter pounder meal with a medium diet Dr. Pepper - 1129 calories - yeah.  The burger was super tasty.  The fries tasted like usual, but somehow they didn't taste as good as they used to.  Actually, I thought they tasted like crap but I ate them anyway.  I really only wanted the burger.
6:30 - two of my burritos - 726 calories
Total calories of the day - 2780 - yeah, buddy.
Total water for the day - 32 ozs. - because I drank a lot of pop.


Tomorrow will be better.  Especially if I don't kill the mortgage people.  You think it would mess up the loan?


Same Bat time, same Bat channel

Update March 25, 2015

I didn't update yesterday because I failed miserably.


Today I did well.  I'm still very frustrated with the loan situation.  Waiting is difficult.  Buying a house is emotional.


5:30 - two pieces of turkey and a cheese stick - 180 cal
1:30 - two of my burritos and a 12 oz diet Pepsi- 726 cal
7:30 - two burritos with chicken chili, cheese, sour cream and guacamole and a 12 oz diet Dr. Pepper - 522 cal
Total calories for the day - 1428!!  SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?
Total water for day - 48 ozs


I was busy today.  A friend from church came over and helped me pack up the kitchen.  I laid Ryleigh down for a nap late, at 1:45 and I slept until 3:00.  Then we went to Stephi's swim meet.  I guess I didn't give myself time to think about eating.


Interesting.


See you tomorrow.
Same Bat time, same Bat channel

Update March 23, 2015

So today was quite the day.  I'm not going to go into my eating today, I'm finicky and don't want to.


This afternoon, I felt prompted to go by the mortgage office to see how things were going.  We're supposed to close on the 30th, but we've been pushing a little bit to see if we can close early.  The landlord of the place we're living in wants to sell the house and we just want to be out of the house and her hair (and vice-versa).  Because of this, we turned in our notice for the 31st.  I know it was cutting it close, but there was really no way we could financially swing closing on a house AND paying another month's rent. 


Anyway, three weeks ago we laid this on the table.  The title company said they could be ready.  The realtor said it was possible on that end.  The mortgage company said it was possible if everything went well.  Our file looked clean and should be good, five to ten business days.


That was ten days ago.  Okay, really early as far as the closing date was concerned but we didn't think it was impossible.  That day, a Friday, we received a phone call telling us all we needed was an up to date bank statement.  Done.  Five more business days.  Thursday, we call.  Haven't heard anything yet.  Expect late Thursday or Friday.  Friday, midday, no, but should be in by this afternoon.  LATE afternoon, nada.


So I go down this afternoon at 1:30.  Yes, they have our loan approved but there's four things that need to get taken care of.  The loan application and the loan paperwork have two different account numbers on them so we need to sign a new loan application.  Need some paperwork from the realtor.  Need to verify if a student loan was really paid off (even though its been paid of for FIVE years).  Need to have verifiable two years of job records (uh, hello?  Info on the loan application and we told you we had six years verifiable, all you had to do was ask.)  And why didn't this come up ten days ago when all we needed was a bank statement?????


Now, it HAS to back in through underwriting which will take four more days and then one to two days for loan docs to come to the office so we can most likely close on the 31st, get the keys on the 1st!!


WHAT????


In California, we must wait 24 hours for the buyer's money to go through and clear the bank.  (This is what they're telling me....)


THAT'S WHY I PAY IN CASHIER'S CHECK!!!


But, as we look this over, most of this should've been taken care of and they're really insignificant so there's no real reason why we can't move forward, but we still have to go back through underwriting.


Oh, and I spent 3.5 hours driving around today, getting the signatures needed so it didn't take an extra three days.


And then I was told we were lucky to be closing only ONE DAY LATE.


Lucky?


Apparently, it's common practice here to have to move the closing date, one, two or even three times.


Ohhh, SERIOUSLY??


Why do they accept doing half-ass business this way?  Why do customers accept it?  Why is it good business practice to sign deals late??  How can someone make the plans necessary to move their family if nothing is firm?  How can you trust these people?  HOW DO THEY GET RECOMMENDATIONS?!?!?!?


I may be a hick from a small town.  Things work different in a small town.  I get that.  In fact, I miss that.  At least I could trust the person sitting across the desk from me to DO WHAT THEY SAID THEY WERE GOING TO DO.


And I'm not even talking about closing early.  I'm talking about CLOSING ON TIME!!


Okay.  I'm done.  Rant over.  I'm looking forward to having this moving thing done so I can sit down and write more than just what I'm eating.


Oh, I had two packages of Swiss cake rolls and a small chocolate shake from McDonald's today so my calories are shot for a couple days now.


OH WELL.


See you tomorrow.
Same Bat time, same Bat channel.

Update March 20, 2015

6:00 - two pieces of turkey and a piece of cheese - 180
11:30 - two of my burritos and a 12 pz diet Pepsi - 726
6:30 - beef and bean nachos (940 cal), 1/3 cup of my fruit salad (47 cal) and a 12 oz diet Dr Pepper
44 ozs of water
Total calories today - 1893

Update March 19, 2015

Today was a good and busy day.  I'm tired.


I got up at five, well, five thirty and helped Tyson get lunches and breakfast ready.  Took the kids to school, etc.  Went to the Family History Center at ten and got a lot done.  Left at one to get Steph.  Took her to swimming and went home.  Came around the corner and saw the dog was out of the back yard.  Drove home instead of the neighbor's, where Ryleigh was.  Grabbed the leash and then grabbed the dog.  WALKED to the neighbor's to get Ryleigh.  Walked back home.  Laid down with her for 20 minutes.  Felt a kidney stone forming so stopped and picked up a can of green tea (prob why I felt like crap yesterday).  Drove by the new house, the termite repairs seem to be complete.  Went to the pool where Steph was and watched the intra squad meet and soaked up some Vite-a-minnn Deeee.  That felt really good.  Went to store and bought some more fruit and some hot dogs and polish dogs.  Was really hungry for most of the day.  The cheese puffs I bought earlier today didn't taste good.  I think I'm done with them. 


6:00 - Two pieces of turkey and a piece of cheese - 180 cal
9:30 - 1/2 bag of cheetos and a diet Dr. Pepper - 212 cal
1:00 - other 1/2 of bag of cheetos - 212 cal
1:30 - 1/4 of Steph's chocolate bar - 65 cal
2:00 - two string cheese sticks - 160 cal
3:00 - Taco hamburger burrito - 440 cal
3:30 - can of green tea - 210 cal
6:30 - Two polish dogs without bun (320 cal), 1/4 cup of my fruit salad (81 cal), 1/4 cup of r,w and bberry salad (35 cal) and 1 cup of spinach/romaine (16 cal) - 452 cal
11:15 - two pieces of turkey and a string cheese stick - 180 cal
Total water for day 32 ozs
Total calories for day 2111


Not too bad, I guess.  See you tomorrow.
Same Bat time (maybe earlier...), same Bat channel.

Update March 18, 2015

    Today was better than yesterday.  A friend came a visited with me today.  That made my day bright.
    I think I totally trashed yesterday's success.  But, I haven't added it up yet.  Here it goes.


    5:45 - Three strips of bacon (46 cal each, 138 total) and two eggs (72 cal each, 144 total) with two teaspoons of 2% milk (5 cal) breakfast total = 287
  11:30 - two burritos (726 cal) and 12 oz diet Pepsi (0 cal) = 726 cal
    2:30 - I've been feeling sluggish all day.  I had gotten some things done, but it was with major effort.  I'm craving sugar (I think I know why and I don't like the idea).  I find an excuse, driving over to the new house to see if repairs are complete, and I stop at 7-11.  My intention was to buy a whole box of the strawberry cake rolls and save some...yeah, right.  By the time I had gotten there, my craving had slowed and I bought a 20 oz diet Dr. Pepper and a package of three chocolate zingers at 390 calories.  I gave one to Ryleigh and scarfed the other two, so 260 calories.
    4:00 - 1/2 cup strawberry yogurt with two tablespoons of blueberries and 1/4 cup of granola (200 cal)
    6:30 - late with supper so I fix nachos.  :/  I really don't want to total this.  Corn chips, about 15 (219 cal), 1/2 cup 90% lean hamburger (392 cal), 1/2 cup shredded Colby Jack cheese (217 cal), spinach/romaine (20 cal); tomato pieces (8 cal), sour cream and guac (49 cal) - total meal calories = 905
    8:15 - 10 chocolate eggs with candy shell because they were sitting on the table at church and were calling to me. 270 cal
   Total calories for day = 2388
   Total water for day = 64 ozs, even with two caffeine sources, which would normally replace, not add to.


    It's not my worst day, but not a spectacular one.  I'll share some thoughts tomorrow, hopefully.
    Same Bat time, same bat channel