Hello, again.
It's been almost ten months to the date that I've posted.
Sorry I abandoned you.
About a month before I stopped writing, I started working again. I answered phones in a call center for an insurance company as a temporary employee. About a month ago, I got laid off. Financially, it's probably not the best thing in the world. Emotionally, the lay off was a good thing. Answering constant phone calls is very stressful. And while I kept it professional at work, at home I was tired, grumpy and Tyson told me I was becoming very negative.
My first week off, I turned into mental Jell-O. The next week, I had missed a personal deadline for getting the book out to my betas so I busted through what I needed to so I could get back on track. The third week, we prepared for the first week of school. Last week, the kids started school and I settled back into being a mom and a wife. I'm doing much better now, even I can feel it.
A few days after my last post was another NaNoWriMo. That totally trashed any attempt at losing weight ever since. That month, I wrote the third draft of the book I'm about to publish and the first draft of the second book. When November was over, I had the writing bug bad and I've been working on rewrites in my free time ever since.
Now that I have MORE free time (because being a stay-at-home mom gives me all kinds of free time HA!), my priorities have changed again. The book is still high priority and I'd consider myself a 3/4-time writer. Still tweaking the schedule so I can get everything done, but it seems to be going well. If there were just a couple more hours in the day so I could write, it would be wonderful. ;)
Anyway, between the two above reasons, I have neglected my weight loss/healthy changes. I plan to get back into it.
That said, I haven't weighed myself in months. When I did the other day, I was 293. I've gained back 8 to 10 pounds of what I lost. Considering I wasn't watching what I was eating and I wasn't exercising, I don't think that's too bad. In addition, it's not the 309 that started me on this whole journey.
I started walking the dog again last week. I did 1.2 miles Wednesday and Thursday last week and again Tuesday and today. I'm really sore but I'm managing to do it.
It's all about priorities, isn't it. :)
Speaking of, keep an eye out for my new book. If all things come out in the wash, it should be coming mid-September. I'll keep you posted.
And my goal is to post for this blog once a week. See you soon!
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Thursday, October 29, 2015
36 Week update (a little late)
I meant to post this on Saturday, but Saturday turned into a DMV nightmare. Since then, I haven’t been able to get to it.
So, the DMV. I FINALLY went to get my California driver’s license. (I know, I know…procrastination…I really just wasn’t willing to admit I didn’t live in Wyoming anymore.) I should’ve known something was up when it was going too well. I got to the intake person quickly. I only stood in line to get my picture taken for two or three minutes. I passed my test and only missed two questions. I got into the front of the line for the final lady right away.
And then she asked me to verify the information. (The following is an approximation)
Me: “This has my maiden name on it.”
She pulls it back and then checks her computer screen. “Yes, you brought in your birth certificate.”
“Yes, the website says to bring that or your passport. I don’t have one of those so naturally…”
“Yes, we took your name from the birth certificate.”
“But that’s not my legal name.”
“Do you have your marriage certificate?”
“No, I’ve already proven my married name in Wyoming, which is why that license says “Miller”.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t know the standards of other states. We have our own standards so you will have to show your marriage license.”
“And how much does that cost to change my name?”
“Twenty-seven dollars.”
“So, I have to come back in, miss work because this is the last Saturday you’re open, and pay you another twenty-seven dollars just because you cannot accept the name on a driver’s license from another state. I’ve proven it to them.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am. I have to follow our standards.”
“What if I show you my Social Security card?”
“No, ma’am. I can only use your marriage license.”
“No, ma’am. I can only use your marriage license.”
“I’ve haven’t used that name for twenty-four years.”
“Let me do this for you, I’ll put it in pending and if you can get back before the end of the day with your marriage license, we’ll get it in there with the right name.”
So I run home and Tyson and I search the house for over four hours looking for our marriage license. No luck. We found our marriage certificate, but no license. We did eliminate about 25 boxes that hadn’t been unpacked yet and threw some stuff away, so that was a plus. I went back to the DMV at about 3 and got my driver’s license in my maiden name. I left the DMV sobbing. I haven’t been that girl in forever. It’s not who I am. I felt robbed for some reason.
Tyson did order a new marriage license for us but even if I get that in the mail this week, I still need to wait for my hard copy of my DL before I can change the name. In the meantime, I’m rolling around town with an ID that has my maiden name on it even though EVERYTHING else is in my married name. Tyson told me he’d marry me again…. J
So, because of the fiasco there, I wasn’t able to get to Curves to work out that Saturday. I did manage to make it four times for the week, though. This week, if I make it on Saturday, I can get in five workouts.
I’ve been frustrated because I haven’t been losing weight. I’ve been working out for almost three weeks. However, I have noticed that my fluctuations are smaller. In the past, I’ve fluctuated five to seven pounds over the course of a couple weeks. Recently, that’s gone down to three or four. I guess that progress.
Of course, I was curious if I was retaining water like crazy or if my body was just really freaking out because I’ve been sedentary for a couple decades or if I’m just weird. I found this website that helped considerably. I also found a second website which verified the other one. I probably am retaining water and it could last anywhere from two to five weeks. I’m going to add a 10% buffer in that and try not to freak out until it’s been more than five and half weeks. And I realized that I’m just weird.
I will be doing another weigh-in/measure appointment with Curves a week from Saturday. They like to do those once a month. We’ll see what that says. Here’s the numbers from the first appointment:
Arms 13.5"
Bust 47.5"
Waist 46"
Abdomen 55"
Hips 58"
Thighs 30.5"
Weight 297.5# (Fully clothed, with shoes, at end of day)
Height 5'10.5"
BMI 47.1%
Short term goal: loose 27.5# in three months (1/8/16)
Long term goal: 175# - I had to come up with something. I suppose this would be most ideal but truly, I'd be happy with 225 and really happy with 200.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
34 Week Update October 17, 2015
Alrighty then!! I am actually on time this month. HIGH FIVE!!
This month has seen some changes. The kids going back to school in August allowed the family to get back onto a schedule. I was in a position where I needed to get a menu planned and a schedule for grocery shopping re-established. It was good stuff.
In there, somewhere, I got back into the habit of walking in the dog...almost daily. I think I wound up walking her an average of four times a week. Back in the middle of July, I had made it up up 1.5 miles a day with her. But, since it had been more than a month since we had been regular about walking, I started again with .5 miles. By the beginning of October, we were up to .75 and now we're averaging about a mile.
However, I started working a full time job at the beginning of October as well. That threw a HUGH wrench into everything and I'm still trying to get everything figured out. I remember now why I hate doing my grocery shopping on Saturdays. My schedule is now crazy, but I'll talk more about that in a minute.
The other biggest change is that last week, October 10, I joined Curves. I LOVE IT. I don't like the working out, per se, but it love it there. The women are so encouraging. If I happen to miss two days in a row, they call me to find out what's up. There's this awesome jungle-gym type thing you use to stretch after you work out and I look forward to just doing that. And, even though I hate to admit it, I can see a change.
The biggest change seems to be my energy level. I'm awake, most of the day. I do still grab some caffeine halfway through the day, but I think that's more because I'm bored at my job more than anything (I sit at a desk all day and answer phones...ALL DAY..... It's a job, right?). On Thursday, I woke up and I just couldn't do it. I had gone every morning this week. But Thursday, it wasn't happening. So, I slept in. Yeah, buddy. I was tired all day. You would think working out in the morning would make you tired and sore all day, but it hasn't.
So this is my day:
4:45 - wake up, pray and get dressed
5:00 - walk the dog
5:30 - grab something to eat (usually some grapes, cheese and some breakfast meat - about 200 calories) and throw the kids' lunches together that had been made the night before
5:35 - with Steph in tow, head down the hill to pick up a couple kids and take them to early morning seminary
5:55 - drop those kids off
6:00 - at Curves, working out
6:40 - get home and make sure the boys are up, take a shower
7:00 - read scriptures with the boys
7:20 - send the boys out the door and get my own lunch ready, have something else to eat (one piece of toast and a banana 220 calories)
7:30 - finish getting ready for work
8:20 - out the door for work
9:00 - start work
11:00 - first break have a snack, this last week was carrots and celery 24 calories
1:00 - lunch - last week was homemade chipotle three days (450 calories), homemade chef's salad (350 calories) and Friday I had sushi (Which I didn't think I would like but I do.....have no idea how many calories that was). [Okay, I just looked it up. I had New York Crunch, which is the only one I've dared to try. There was a serving and a half in the container, 600 calories. Not too bad, I don't think.]
3:30 - last break, more grapes and cheese - 155 calories
5:30 - out the door! Have an apple on the way home - 120 calories
6:10 - get home...need to make supper....I won't go into that.
7:30 - I'm dead by now but there's still things to do....cleaning up, getting kids into showers, making sure homework and chores are done, getting lunches fixed for the next day, making sure each kid has gotten their laundry done for the assigned days, making sure my husband is still alive.....
8:15 - family prayer
8:30 - praying with husband, reading scriptures with him
9:00 - Tyson's snoring and I'm surfing the internet
10:30 - usually out by now, but if not, I'm forcing myself off the net and closing my eyes.
At Curves last week, they measured me, weighed me and figured my body mass ratios.
I just got up and looked for it and it's not readily available. Seeing as how the hour is getting late and everybody else is asleep, I'm going to risk putting it in later.
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| 9/19/2015 |
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| 10/17/2015 |
I don't see much difference between this month and last. I could this morning, but not now. You can see that I finally put up my curtains in the background. :)
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
30 Week Update September 19, 2015
And yet again, it's not September. And like I mentioned in the August post, I owe you some updates. Once again, I'll try to remember what I can.
August was really busy. At the beginning of the month, Greg, Becca, Bryan, and Ryleigh all came down for a visit. We had a lot of fun at the beach, in the pool and hanging out. All the older kids managed to get really good sunburns. It was so good to see all of them.
I choose not to follow my calorie-watching while they were here and then pretty much followed suit the remainder of the time. Yeah. Not such a good plan.
HOWEVER, I am excited to report I managed to break that elusive 295 barrier I had bumped up against all summer. On September 19, when the pictures below were taken, I weighed 290! My fluctuations stayed between 295 and 290. The kids being back in school forced me to get back onto a schedule. This has helped me walk the dog on most days, usually around 8 a.m. after the kids have all gone to school.
I am finally into the Laramie weight. I weighed 295 when I left. I'll be in this weight range until about 275. I am happy, though, that the Bakersfield weight is gone. :D
The pictures don't seem too different to me from August, however. I'm thinking I need to start doing sit ups or yoga or something to start tightening things up.
PS Now that I've really looked at the August pictures, I can see a difference and I think it's because I really wasn't walking for a month and I gained a 'bloat' again. (And I don't understand why I can get one group of pics together in a row but not the other set. Sorry.)
August was really busy. At the beginning of the month, Greg, Becca, Bryan, and Ryleigh all came down for a visit. We had a lot of fun at the beach, in the pool and hanging out. All the older kids managed to get really good sunburns. It was so good to see all of them.
I choose not to follow my calorie-watching while they were here and then pretty much followed suit the remainder of the time. Yeah. Not such a good plan.
HOWEVER, I am excited to report I managed to break that elusive 295 barrier I had bumped up against all summer. On September 19, when the pictures below were taken, I weighed 290! My fluctuations stayed between 295 and 290. The kids being back in school forced me to get back onto a schedule. This has helped me walk the dog on most days, usually around 8 a.m. after the kids have all gone to school.
I am finally into the Laramie weight. I weighed 295 when I left. I'll be in this weight range until about 275. I am happy, though, that the Bakersfield weight is gone. :D
The pictures don't seem too different to me from August, however. I'm thinking I need to start doing sit ups or yoga or something to start tightening things up.
PS Now that I've really looked at the August pictures, I can see a difference and I think it's because I really wasn't walking for a month and I gained a 'bloat' again. (And I don't understand why I can get one group of pics together in a row but not the other set. Sorry.)
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| 2/14/2015 |
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| 9/19/2015 |
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| 8/04/2015 |
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| 9/19/2015 |
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| 2/14/2015 |
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| 8/04/2015 |
24 Week update, August 1, 2015
Okay, so it's not Aug. 1st. But, I owe you updates, at least. I prepared everything so I could do one, I just never did. Let me remember what I can.
So, on August 1st, I weighed 295, down 1/2 pound. I fluctuated between 295 and 300 the whole month. I also struggled with drinking soda (pop, for you Wyomingites). In addition, I had trouble staying on my plan to walk the dog. Many factors played into that:
1. I like to stay up late at night, especially when the kids have gone to bed. It's quiet.
That makes it difficult to get up in the morning.
2. It's....uh....really, really hot in Bakersfield. And it doesn't cool off at night. Even
when I don't sleep in, it's still 85 at 7 a.m. On days when I don't get up early, then
it was much too hot to walk.
3. We had visitors and we went on a mini-vacay to Sea World. I shot my
calorie-watching in the foot and didn't pick it back up again. That also allowed
me an excuse not to walk.
By the time July was over, I was fed up with myself but willing to cut myself a break and lump the month up to experience. I decided I would do better in August.
The pictures I did manage to take were done on August 4th. The green pants died and received an emotionally stirring funeral in my trash can. My misery didn't last too long, however, and I have moved on to the black ones. :)
So, on August 1st, I weighed 295, down 1/2 pound. I fluctuated between 295 and 300 the whole month. I also struggled with drinking soda (pop, for you Wyomingites). In addition, I had trouble staying on my plan to walk the dog. Many factors played into that:
1. I like to stay up late at night, especially when the kids have gone to bed. It's quiet.
That makes it difficult to get up in the morning.
2. It's....uh....really, really hot in Bakersfield. And it doesn't cool off at night. Even
when I don't sleep in, it's still 85 at 7 a.m. On days when I don't get up early, then
it was much too hot to walk.
3. We had visitors and we went on a mini-vacay to Sea World. I shot my
calorie-watching in the foot and didn't pick it back up again. That also allowed
me an excuse not to walk.
By the time July was over, I was fed up with myself but willing to cut myself a break and lump the month up to experience. I decided I would do better in August.
The pictures I did manage to take were done on August 4th. The green pants died and received an emotionally stirring funeral in my trash can. My misery didn't last too long, however, and I have moved on to the black ones. :)
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| 2/14/2015 |
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| 8/4/2015 |
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| 2/14/2015 |
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| 8/4/2015 |
Saturday, July 4, 2015
20 Week Update - July 4, 2015
Happy Independence Day!
I can't believe it's already been five(ish) months since I started this. I have learned a lot about myself and how my body reacts to different things I intake and do to it.
This week, I've been struggling with my depression. I talked about that a few days ago in this post. I've slowly been feeling better. The only other thought I have about it concerns expectations. Perhaps feeling happy all the time or the majority of the time is not realistic; not true life experience.
Anyway, I have been weighing myself everyday. I know some people have advised to not do this, however I find it keeps me centered on what is going on. It is interesting to see what happens when exercise doesn't happen or I eat too much the day before. Here is my chart for this last four weeks. The blue line is June, orange July. The purple dots mean I'm above 300 pounds that day, the red mean I'm between 290 and 300. I weighed in today at 295.5 pounds. (Please ignore the June dates at the bottom. I haven't been able to figure out a way to change it to just numbers yet, without making a new chart.)
It was cooler this morning when we went out. I wanted to get a good walk in. The family and I also played in the pool this afternoon for about 90 minutes. It was a nice temperature, about 83 F (28 C), and felt really good. Tonight, we sat at on the edge of the bluffs in the hot wind, watching the fireworks in the distance. I think we had a good day today.
I managed to talk my husband into taking pictures for me again this morning. Here's the comparison with Valentine's Day and July:
(I'm fighting with formatting today. And I'm giving up. I'm sorry these aren't side by side. I'll try again later....)
That's all I have to update for the four weeks. Have a happy Fourth of July.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Wresting the Beast
The Beast
My particular beast is depression. I know for certain I was depressed as a teenager. These feelings have been around for a long time. I would dare to say I was depressed as a child, but children's feelings are more difficult to gather into a group. When I look back and begin to see some of these tendencies, I was about nine.
What is "The Beast"?
I have described it in my head in two different ways. The first way is like a cloak and the second is a Jekyll/Hyde animal.
The cloak is something that I wear all the time. When it's sunny and bright, it hangs off my shoulders behind me. When I run and play, it blows in the wind, trailing behind me, barely noticeable. When I become cold or it becomes dreary, the cloak is easily attainable to pull around my shoulders, to protect me and keep me warm. But it is deceptive. Once I give it permission to wrap around me, it becomes oppressive and suffocating. I curl into to it to escape the oppressiveness, starting a cycle of withdrawal and more oppression. At some point, I realize where I have fallen to and strive to pull myself back out, to have the cloak behind me once again.
The Jekyll/Hyde animal looks something like a small, cuddly kitten when things are going well. The kitten is cute and small, easily carried. (Apparently, I HAVE to carry this thing with me everywhere.) When things aren't going well, this creature is a huge, snarling beast about the size of a hippopotamus. I still have to carry it, but now it rides on my back, hunching me over and making everything I do extremely difficult.
Please understand, these are MY descriptions of MY experience. In no way am I trying to explain depression for everyone. It's as varied as each individual.
The idea of the cloak protecting me is exemplified by the times when some act that I do (stop doing) when I'm depressed sounds good because yesterday was a hard day or I worked extra hard. For instance, when I decide I just don't want to get out of bed that day. Now, doing this once in a while, most people would say is alright to do. When I allow it to become a regular thing is when it becomes a problem. At first, it sounds nice, like a vacation. I invite it in. Then one day become two, then three and then a week. At this point, I'm having to talk myself into getting out of bed. (Getting out of bed is just a particular example, there are other activities that fall into this category, such as cooking supper or cleaning the house or writing my blog.)
I think the Jekyll/Hyde creature is more easily understood. Although I still don't understand how it becomes a little kitten again.
What I Need to do to Wrest the Beast
I have recently been inspired with a list of things I need to do everyday to wrest this beast in my life. These are things I've come up with before and then when I get into a cycle, I forget them and have to relearn them. So take this as a relearning episode. For more on this idea, see this post and this post. This has a lot to do with doing my work everyday, regardless. Here's the list:
1. Pray everyday - This is something I've been struggling with since leaving Laramie. I pray with
the kids before school, with the family in the evening and with my husband before bed.
Somehow, I don't seem to take the time to do it myself.
2. Make the bed - When the bed is made, I'm less likely to go back to bed. I may take a nap
during the day, but it's not full-out going back to bed. Although it's a small accomplishment, it
is one and then to accomplishment at the beginning of the day gets it started in the right
direction. I've been making the bed every morning since being in California. On the occasional
day I don't it feels strange in my room.
3. Brush my teeth - This one seems odd. I have never set up a habit of brushing my teeth. I do
better when Tyson's around or when I have a schedule which takes me out of the house, but
even then I struggle. Amazingly, my teeth aren't in bad shape at all. However, I realize this
won't always be true. Since I'm trying to make all of these things a daily habit, I need to throw
this in the mix too.
4. Read Scriptures - This one I manage to do with my husband almost every evening. However,
like prayer, I find it difficult to make time to do this.
5. Take my vitamins - Vitamin B Complex for mood support, Magnesium for bones and anit-
kidney stone formation, Vitamin D to help everything catabolize (Even though I get lots of sun
I still take 5000 IU - helps considerably when I remember)
6. Walk the dog - I dread this everyday but it is helping with the weight loss.
7. Write - This is amazing. It helps my mood so much. This includes blogging, journaling, and/or
creative writing.
8. Do something creative - this includes crocheting, knitting, creative writing (as opposed to
blogging or journaling), painting/decorating the house (hasn't started yet), quilting, etc.
It's a big list. I've been doing it since Monday. So far, I've been able to get most of it checked off everyday. It's helping in as far as I'm getting out of bed everyday and I'm up and somewhat functioning. However, I still feel like I could hide in my room all day.
My particular beast is depression. I know for certain I was depressed as a teenager. These feelings have been around for a long time. I would dare to say I was depressed as a child, but children's feelings are more difficult to gather into a group. When I look back and begin to see some of these tendencies, I was about nine.
What is "The Beast"?
I have described it in my head in two different ways. The first way is like a cloak and the second is a Jekyll/Hyde animal.
The cloak is something that I wear all the time. When it's sunny and bright, it hangs off my shoulders behind me. When I run and play, it blows in the wind, trailing behind me, barely noticeable. When I become cold or it becomes dreary, the cloak is easily attainable to pull around my shoulders, to protect me and keep me warm. But it is deceptive. Once I give it permission to wrap around me, it becomes oppressive and suffocating. I curl into to it to escape the oppressiveness, starting a cycle of withdrawal and more oppression. At some point, I realize where I have fallen to and strive to pull myself back out, to have the cloak behind me once again.
The Jekyll/Hyde animal looks something like a small, cuddly kitten when things are going well. The kitten is cute and small, easily carried. (Apparently, I HAVE to carry this thing with me everywhere.) When things aren't going well, this creature is a huge, snarling beast about the size of a hippopotamus. I still have to carry it, but now it rides on my back, hunching me over and making everything I do extremely difficult.
Please understand, these are MY descriptions of MY experience. In no way am I trying to explain depression for everyone. It's as varied as each individual.
The idea of the cloak protecting me is exemplified by the times when some act that I do (stop doing) when I'm depressed sounds good because yesterday was a hard day or I worked extra hard. For instance, when I decide I just don't want to get out of bed that day. Now, doing this once in a while, most people would say is alright to do. When I allow it to become a regular thing is when it becomes a problem. At first, it sounds nice, like a vacation. I invite it in. Then one day become two, then three and then a week. At this point, I'm having to talk myself into getting out of bed. (Getting out of bed is just a particular example, there are other activities that fall into this category, such as cooking supper or cleaning the house or writing my blog.)
I think the Jekyll/Hyde creature is more easily understood. Although I still don't understand how it becomes a little kitten again.
What I Need to do to Wrest the Beast
I have recently been inspired with a list of things I need to do everyday to wrest this beast in my life. These are things I've come up with before and then when I get into a cycle, I forget them and have to relearn them. So take this as a relearning episode. For more on this idea, see this post and this post. This has a lot to do with doing my work everyday, regardless. Here's the list:
1. Pray everyday - This is something I've been struggling with since leaving Laramie. I pray with
the kids before school, with the family in the evening and with my husband before bed.
Somehow, I don't seem to take the time to do it myself.
2. Make the bed - When the bed is made, I'm less likely to go back to bed. I may take a nap
during the day, but it's not full-out going back to bed. Although it's a small accomplishment, it
is one and then to accomplishment at the beginning of the day gets it started in the right
direction. I've been making the bed every morning since being in California. On the occasional
day I don't it feels strange in my room.
3. Brush my teeth - This one seems odd. I have never set up a habit of brushing my teeth. I do
better when Tyson's around or when I have a schedule which takes me out of the house, but
even then I struggle. Amazingly, my teeth aren't in bad shape at all. However, I realize this
won't always be true. Since I'm trying to make all of these things a daily habit, I need to throw
this in the mix too.
4. Read Scriptures - This one I manage to do with my husband almost every evening. However,
like prayer, I find it difficult to make time to do this.
5. Take my vitamins - Vitamin B Complex for mood support, Magnesium for bones and anit-
kidney stone formation, Vitamin D to help everything catabolize (Even though I get lots of sun
I still take 5000 IU - helps considerably when I remember)
6. Walk the dog - I dread this everyday but it is helping with the weight loss.
7. Write - This is amazing. It helps my mood so much. This includes blogging, journaling, and/or
creative writing.
8. Do something creative - this includes crocheting, knitting, creative writing (as opposed to
blogging or journaling), painting/decorating the house (hasn't started yet), quilting, etc.
It's a big list. I've been doing it since Monday. So far, I've been able to get most of it checked off everyday. It's helping in as far as I'm getting out of bed everyday and I'm up and somewhat functioning. However, I still feel like I could hide in my room all day.
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