34 Week Update October 17, 2015

Alrighty then!!  I am actually on time this month.  HIGH FIVE!!

This month has seen some changes.  The kids going back to school in August allowed the family to get back onto a schedule.  I was in a position where I needed to get a menu planned and a schedule for grocery shopping re-established.  It was good stuff. 

In there, somewhere, I got back into the habit of walking in the dog...almost daily.  I think I wound up walking her an average of four times a week.  Back in the middle of July, I had made it up up 1.5 miles a day with her.  But, since it had been more than a month since we had been regular about walking, I started again with .5 miles.  By the beginning of October, we were up to .75 and now we're averaging about a mile.

However, I started working a full time job at the beginning of October as well.  That threw a HUGH wrench into everything and I'm still trying to get everything figured out.  I remember now why I hate doing my grocery shopping on Saturdays.  My schedule is now crazy, but I'll talk more about that in a minute.

The other biggest change is that last week, October 10, I joined Curves.  I LOVE IT.  I don't like the working out, per se, but it love it there.  The women are so encouraging.  If I happen to miss two days in a row, they call me to find out what's up.  There's this awesome jungle-gym type thing you use to stretch after you work out and I look forward to just doing that.  And, even though I hate to admit it, I can see a change.

The biggest change seems to be my energy level.  I'm awake, most of the day.  I do still grab some caffeine halfway through the day, but I think that's more because I'm bored at my job more than anything  (I sit at a desk all day and answer phones...ALL DAY.....  It's a job, right?).    On Thursday, I woke up and I just couldn't do it.  I had gone every morning this week.  But Thursday, it wasn't happening.  So, I slept in.  Yeah, buddy.  I was tired all day.  You would think working out in the morning would make you tired and sore all day, but it hasn't.

So this is my day:
     4:45 - wake up, pray and get dressed
     5:00 - walk the dog
     5:30 - grab something to eat (usually some grapes, cheese and some breakfast meat - about 200 calories) and throw the kids' lunches together that had been made the night before
     5:35 - with Steph in tow, head down the hill to pick up a couple kids and take them to early morning seminary
     5:55 - drop those kids off
     6:00 - at Curves, working out
     6:40 - get home and make sure the boys are up, take a shower
     7:00 - read scriptures with the boys
     7:20 - send the boys out the door and get my own lunch ready, have something else to eat (one piece of toast and a banana 220 calories)
     7:30 - finish getting ready for work
     8:20 - out the door for work
     9:00 - start work
    11:00 - first break have a snack, this last week was carrots and celery 24 calories
      1:00 - lunch - last week was homemade chipotle three days (450 calories), homemade chef's salad (350 calories) and Friday I had sushi (Which I didn't think I would like but I do.....have no idea how many calories that was). [Okay, I just looked it up.  I had New York Crunch, which is the only one I've dared to try.  There was a serving and a half in the container, 600 calories.  Not too bad, I don't think.]
     3:30 - last break, more grapes and cheese - 155 calories
     5:30 - out the door!  Have an apple on the way home - 120 calories
     6:10 - get home...need to make supper....I won't go into that.
     7:30 - I'm dead by now but there's still things to do....cleaning up, getting kids into showers, making sure homework and chores are done, getting lunches fixed for the next day, making sure each kid has gotten their laundry done for the assigned days, making sure my husband is still alive.....
    8:15 - family prayer
    8:30 - praying with husband, reading scriptures with him
    9:00 - Tyson's snoring and I'm surfing the internet
   10:30 - usually out by now, but if not, I'm forcing myself off the net and closing my eyes.


At Curves last week, they measured me, weighed me and figured my body mass ratios.
I just got up and looked for it and it's not readily available.  Seeing as how the hour is getting late and everybody else is asleep, I'm going to risk putting it in later.

9/19/2015

10/17/2015

I don't see much difference between this month and last.  I could this morning, but not now.  You can see that I finally put up my curtains in the background.  :)

30 Week Update September 19, 2015

And yet again, it's not September.  And like I mentioned in the August post, I owe you some updates.  Once again, I'll try to remember what I can.

August was really busy.  At the beginning of the month, Greg, Becca, Bryan, and Ryleigh all came down for a visit.  We had a lot of fun at the beach, in the pool and hanging out.  All the older kids managed to get really good sunburns.  It was so good to see all of them.
I choose not to follow my calorie-watching while they were here and then pretty much followed suit the remainder of the time.  Yeah.  Not such a good plan.
HOWEVER, I am excited to report I managed to break that elusive 295 barrier I had bumped up against all summer.  On September 19, when the pictures below were taken, I weighed 290!  My fluctuations stayed between 295 and 290.  The kids being back in school forced me to get back onto a schedule.  This has helped me walk the dog on most days, usually around 8 a.m. after the kids have all gone to school.
I am finally into the Laramie weight.  I weighed 295 when I left.  I'll be in this weight range until about 275.  I am happy, though, that the Bakersfield weight is gone.  :D
The pictures don't seem too different to me from August, however.  I'm thinking I need to start doing sit ups or yoga or something to start tightening things up.

PS Now that I've really looked at the August pictures, I can see a difference and I think it's because I really wasn't walking for a month and I gained a 'bloat' again.  (And I don't understand why I can get one group of pics together in a row but not the other set.  Sorry.)

2/14/2015

9/19/2015

8/04/2015

9/19/2015

2/14/2015

8/04/2015

24 Week update, August 1, 2015

Okay, so it's not Aug. 1st.  But, I owe you updates, at least.  I prepared everything so I could do one, I just never did.  Let me remember what I can.

So, on August 1st, I weighed 295, down 1/2 pound.  I fluctuated between 295 and 300 the whole month.  I also struggled with drinking soda (pop, for you Wyomingites).  In addition, I had trouble staying on my plan to walk the dog.  Many factors played into that:
    1.  I like to stay up late at night, especially when the kids have gone to bed.  It's quiet. 
         That makes it difficult to get up in the morning.
    2.  It's....uh....really, really hot in Bakersfield.  And it doesn't cool off at night.  Even
         when I don't sleep in, it's still 85 at 7 a.m.  On days when I don't get up early, then
         it was much too hot to walk.
    3.  We had visitors and we went on a mini-vacay to Sea World.  I shot my
         calorie-watching in the foot and didn't pick it back up again.  That also allowed
         me an excuse not to walk.

By the time July was over, I was fed up with myself but willing to cut myself a break and lump the month up to experience.  I decided I would do better in August.

The pictures I did manage to take were done on August 4th.  The green pants died and received an emotionally stirring funeral in my trash can.  My misery didn't last too long, however, and I have moved on to the black ones.  :)

2/14/2015

8/4/2015

2/14/2015

8/4/2015

20 Week Update - July 4, 2015

Happy Independence Day!

I can't believe it's already been five(ish) months since I started this.  I have learned a lot about myself and how my body reacts to different things I intake and do to it.

This week, I've been struggling with my depression.  I talked about that a few days ago in this post.   I've slowly been feeling better.  The only other thought I have about it concerns expectations.  Perhaps feeling happy all the time or the majority of the time is not realistic; not true life experience.

It's been over 100 degrees F (37.8 degrees C) for more than ten days in a row now.  By 8:00 a.m., it's typically already over 80 degrees F (27 degrees C).  Consequently, I have been having mental difficulties with getting out to walk.  I only walked four days this week.  On Monday, I went 1.6 miles, Tuesday 1.0 miles, Friday 1.8 miles and today....4.2 miles.  As far as the 100 miles in 100 days, I'm at 39.4 miles total since Memorial Day.  I should be at 41.  Pretty good, if I do say so myself.  Good thing I got a big day in today.

Anyway, I have been weighing myself everyday.  I know some people have advised to not do this, however I find it keeps me centered on what is going on.  It is interesting to see what happens when exercise doesn't happen or I eat too much the day before.  Here is my chart for this last four weeks.  The blue line is June, orange July.  The purple dots mean I'm above 300 pounds that day, the red mean I'm between 290 and 300.  I weighed in today at 295.5 pounds.  (Please ignore the June dates at the bottom.  I haven't been able to figure out a way to change it to just numbers yet, without making a new chart.)

It was cooler this morning when we went out.  I wanted to get a good walk in.  The family and I also played in the pool this afternoon for about 90 minutes.  It was a nice temperature, about 83 F (28 C), and felt really good.  Tonight, we sat at on the edge of the bluffs in the hot wind, watching the fireworks in the distance.  I think we had a good day today.

I managed to talk my husband into taking pictures for me again this morning.  Here's the comparison with Valentine's Day and July:


(I'm fighting with formatting today.  And I'm giving up.  I'm sorry these aren't side by side.  I'll try again later....)

That's all I have to update for the four weeks.  Have a happy Fourth of July.



Wresting the Beast

The Beast
    My particular beast is depression.  I know for certain I was depressed as a teenager.  These feelings have been around for a long time.  I would dare to say I was depressed as a child, but children's feelings are more difficult to gather into a group.  When I look back and begin to see some of these tendencies, I was about nine.


What is "The Beast"?
    I have described it in my head in two different ways.  The first way is like a cloak and the second is a Jekyll/Hyde animal.
    The cloak is something that I wear all the time.  When it's sunny and bright, it hangs off my shoulders behind me.  When I run and play, it blows in the wind, trailing behind me, barely noticeable.  When I become cold or it becomes dreary, the cloak is easily attainable to pull around my shoulders, to protect me and keep me warm.  But it is deceptive.  Once I give it permission to wrap around me, it becomes oppressive and suffocating.  I curl into to it to escape the oppressiveness, starting a cycle of withdrawal and more oppression.  At some point, I realize where I have fallen to and strive to pull myself back out, to have the cloak behind me once again.
    The Jekyll/Hyde animal looks something like a small, cuddly kitten when things are going well.  The kitten is cute and small, easily carried.  (Apparently, I HAVE to carry this thing with me everywhere.)  When things aren't going well, this creature is a huge, snarling beast about the size of a hippopotamus.  I still have to carry it, but now it rides on my back, hunching me over and making everything I do extremely difficult.
    Please understand, these are MY descriptions of MY experience.  In no way am I trying to explain depression for everyone.  It's as varied as each individual.
    The idea of the cloak protecting me is exemplified by the times when some act that I do (stop doing) when I'm depressed sounds good because yesterday was a hard day or I worked extra hard.  For instance, when I decide I just don't want to get out of bed that day.  Now, doing this once in a while, most people would say is alright to do.  When I allow it to become a regular thing is when it becomes a problem.  At first, it sounds nice, like a vacation.  I invite it in.  Then one day become two, then three and then a week.  At this point, I'm having to talk myself into getting out of bed.  (Getting out of bed is just a particular example, there are other activities that fall into this category, such as cooking supper or cleaning the house or writing my blog.)
    I think the Jekyll/Hyde creature is more easily understood.  Although I still don't understand how it becomes a little kitten again.


What I Need to do to Wrest the Beast
    I have recently been inspired with a list of things I need to do everyday to wrest this beast in my life.  These are things I've come up with before and then when I get into a cycle, I forget them and have to relearn them.  So take this as a relearning episode.  For more on this idea, see this post and this post.  This has a lot to do with doing my work everyday, regardless.  Here's the list:
    1.  Pray everyday - This is something I've been struggling with since leaving Laramie.  I pray with
         the kids before school, with the family in the evening and with my husband before bed. 
         Somehow, I don't seem to take the time to do it myself.
    2.  Make the bed - When the bed is made, I'm less likely to go back to bed.  I may take a nap
         during the day, but it's not full-out going back to bed.  Although it's a small accomplishment, it
         is one and then to accomplishment at the beginning of the day gets it started in the right
         direction.  I've been making the bed every morning since being in California.  On the occasional
         day I don't it feels strange in my room.
    3.  Brush my teeth - This one seems odd.  I have never set up a habit of brushing my teeth.  I do
         better when Tyson's around or when I have a schedule which takes me out of the house, but
         even then I struggle.  Amazingly, my teeth aren't in bad shape at all.  However, I realize this
         won't always be true.  Since I'm trying to make all of these things a daily habit, I need to throw
         this in the mix too.
    4.  Read Scriptures - This one I manage to do with my husband almost every evening.  However,
         like prayer, I find it difficult to make time to do this.
    5.  Take my vitamins - Vitamin B Complex for mood support, Magnesium for bones and anit-
         kidney stone formation, Vitamin D to help everything catabolize (Even though I get lots of sun
         I still take 5000 IU - helps considerably when I remember)
    6.  Walk the dog - I dread this everyday but it is helping with the weight loss.
    7.  Write - This is amazing.  It helps my mood so much.  This includes blogging, journaling, and/or
         creative writing.
    8.  Do something creative - this includes crocheting, knitting, creative writing (as opposed to
         blogging or journaling), painting/decorating the house (hasn't started yet), quilting, etc.


    It's a big list.  I've been doing it since Monday.  So far, I've been able to get most of it checked off everyday.  It's helping in as far as I'm getting out of bed everyday and I'm up and somewhat functioning.  However, I still feel like I could hide in my room all day.

This Week Was a Bad Week

This week was hard.  I had difficulty getting out of bed on Tuesday and Wednesday.  Thursday I broke down and bought a Diet Dr. Pepper.  Friday I had another one.  Yesterday I had 1/2 and the other half today.  I felt better, more alert, more desire to get up.


This is going to be hard to kick.


Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I didn't walk.  Yesterday, I did 2 miles and today we did .6 miles.  Today we didn't walk until after church and it was really hot.  The dog didn't want to do more than two laps around the block.


I started keeping track of my calories again on Friday.  The last three days, I've hovered around 2200 calories a day.  I suppose keeping track is a good thing, it's just scary to see.  :/


Well, have a good Monday tomorrow.

Today Was One of Those Days

Today was one of those days I struggled to get out of bed.  I finally did about 10:30.  At about 3:00, I got dressed.  I don't know why I bothered getting dressed, there was nothing to get dressed for.   I managed to get my daughter to her church activity, late, and I managed to pick her up, late.  I made a phone call around 11:30.  That's it.


Now, I'm laying in bed at 1:48 a.m. on the internet.  I'm exhausted and I know if I roll over and close my eyes, I'd be asleep really quick.  But I'm fighting it.  I feel really stubborn today.  If I don't want to do it, then it won't happen.  I don't understand this.


I almost went an bought a pop today when I went to get my daughter.  I know it will make me feel better.  I'm thinking seriously about doing it in the morning.


I have an appointment to help a friend tomorrow.  It will force me to get into some clothes and out of the house.  I really don't understand these mood swings.  I just want to feel "normal".  IDK.